Brush Your Shoulders Off

Legs, Window, Car, Dirt Road, Relax

There’s no such thing as bad weather, just inappropriate clothing.

When I ask workshop participants and coaching clients what they are hoping to profit from Palm Bay FL Animal Removal work together and we start to write down goals, they frequently say they want to learn how not to take the conflict personally. It’s a very common theme.

I look at this a lot, since I want that, too. In Don Miguel Ruiz’s insightful book, The Four Agreements, one of the arrangements he proposes we make with ourselves to have a happier life is just this:”Don’t Take Anything Personally.”

Benjamin Zander, author, motivational speaker, and conductor of the Boston Philharmonic, often quotes his father as saying,”There is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing.”

I live in New Hampshire where winter can make each day a challenge. And, especially when I have to travel in snow and ice,I could even take the weather !

So how to we actually do it–not take things personally?

Personally, here’s what I do.

1) I reframe

I reframe it as not personal. Even when it appears to be, even when it hurts, I recall it isn’t about me. For instance, when I imagine other ways that the individual might have behaved, I understand they chose this particular option due to their background, worldview, or perception of me, which may or may not be accurate.

2) I stop assuming

I quit assuming I know I anything about them. Assuming I know somebody else’s motives is a sort of judgment of them, and I have found that assumptions and judgments of others’ motives is a trap–for them and for me personally. So I try to stay proactive with my internal and external responses. And when their motives are disingenuous or malicious, I locate out more quickly and can take action to keep myself out of harm’s way. I might choose to avoid them or engage them in dialogue about the effects of their actions.

3) I remain curious

I remain curious about myself and the situation. I notice the assumptions I’m making and the reactions I’m about to have. Maybe my assumptions are accurate, and they aren’t. What appears as anger directed at me might be general frustration at an unexpected outcome.When my family member says,”You never listen to me,” I can choose to hear it as a criticism or a call for support. I respond differently based on how I choose.

As you proceed into the new year, resolve to notice when you’re making it personal, and see whether it’s more purposeful to make a different option. We devise life moment to moment.

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